literature

Walking with a Toddler

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BeccaJS's avatar
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Literature Text

Slow he may be, plodding gentle his
tiny legs. Each stick is a new
exploration three steps to
another.
 “come on” you shout as he trots over
gravel laughing delighted at the crunch-crunch
beneath his feet
and there
and back again.

 A dog bounds by, so much energy that
it sparks fear in the little trekker as
he clings to your leg, begging to be lifted.

Arms wrapped around his world,
he points at the sky, tells you its blue.

tiganusi reminded me in the lit forum that the reason I probably wasn't writing because I have a child. So why not write about the thing stopping you writing and creating some weird poetry paradox but at least actually writing.

Just throwing up something that probably needs mega edits later.
© 2015 - 2024 BeccaJS
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ShinyScribe's avatar
:star::star::star::star: Overall
:star::star::star::star::star: Vision
:star::star::star::star::star-half: Originality
:star::star::star::star::star-empty: Technique
:star::star::star::star::star-empty: Impact

Having three siblings and three nephews, this one really hit home for me. You managed to convey, in such short space, the various actions and feelings of your typical toddler. In just a brief moment, he's capable of going from happy to scared and then switching to curiosity. Kids have a crazy tendency to do that, and you portrayed just how sudden it can be quite well. Kids are fast, slow, happy, sad, curious, and any other trait possible; you show that perfectly.

Really, the only fault I can find with this poem is the length. While you did well with what you have, I think this idea could've been expanded upon. Maybe the child sees clouds in various shapes, or he comes to find the dog a fun animal to be around. Maybe he almost wanders into the street and has his first real run-in with any kind of danger. Then again, what you already have displays the innocence of childhood and what kids are like very well. I could see a little kid doing every little thing you described. ^-^