Machine Wind

The line format and the use of white space adds an element of visual interest to this poem. It looks nice on the page, and the visual element reinforces the effect of the line structure. It helps to maintain the pacing and flow.

The use of language is effective. The verbs are strong and give the reader a sense of movement. The imagery is visual, but ambiguous. There is a subtle rhythm to the poem, and for the most part it flows nicely. The overall mood of the poem seems to be sadness or isolation, but it is subtle and not overpowering.

Suggestions for revision: There are a few instances where pronouns are used, but don't clearly reference anything. "where they once worked." It isn't difficult to figure out, but maybe a slight tweak for clarity would help.

"a distance too far of just what happened and why now absent" reads awkwardly, and may be confusing to readers.

Vision: 5/5

Originality: 5/5 There are no glaring clichés in this poem, and it approaches its subject matter in a creative and original manner.

Technique: 4/5 The piece is well executed, and makes effective use of poetic techniques, but there were a few minor issues with clarity and syntax.

Impact: 3.5/5 This is completely subjective. I like this poem and I think it is well written. It doesn't strike me as something truly memorable, or something that will impact me in a lasting way. It's a bit of an unfair category. There are a lot of good poems, but it is tough for one to hit my "wow" button. It doesn't necessarily reflect any fault in the poem.

This is my first formal critique. I hope that I've been fair and provided useful feedback. Overall, I enjoyed the poem and thought it was well executed. Thanks for sharing it. Feedback on the critique is always welcome.